Breaking the Cancer news without breaking
Telling your loved ones that you have cancer is terrible… There’s no sugar-coating this particular piece of cancer news. On getting my diagnosis, the first question I asked my breast care nurse was: ‘Am I going to die?’. ‘Not on our watch,’ she reassured me. I was told to bring a friend with me the day I got my diagnosis and I’m so glad I had my friend, Nicole, by my side. IT’S SUCH A STAGGERING AMOUNT TO TAKE IN.
I cried, Nicole held me and I felt numb with shock. And fear. All I could think about was how I was going to tell the kids (especially as a single mum). I had to get it straight in my own head first. Nicole helped with this tremendously as she kept reminding me of what was said, rather than what I thought I’d heard (this is very common).
While breaking the news that you have cancer is dreadful, I found it important to be as honest as possible – without scaring my children or loved ones. I didn’t want to go down the ‘it’s fine, it’s fine’ route, yet I wanted to inject positivity and hope into the conversation. So, I tried to counter a piece of awful news with something positive: ‘I’ve been diagnosed with breast cancer but we’ve caught it early.’ It’s not always easy to do this and, of course, it depends on the type of diagnosis.
Here are some steps and considerations:
1. Prepare Yourself Emotionally
Before you share your cancer news with others, take some time to process your own emotions. It’s natural to feel a range of emotions, from fear and sadness to anger and confusion. Consider speaking with a counselor or joining a support group to help you manage your feelings. Being emotionally prepared will help you communicate more effectively and provide the support your loved ones may need. I found Breast Cancer Now incredibly helpful at this time, and did join their ‘Someone Like Me’ scheme.
2. Choose the Right Time and Place
Select a quiet, private setting where you can have an uninterrupted conversation. Avoid public places or times when the person you’re speaking to might be stressed or distracted. This ensures that both you and the listener can focus on the conversation without external pressures.
3. Be Honest and Direct
When you’re ready to share the news, be honest and direct. Use clear, simple language to explain your diagnosis. Avoid using euphemisms or downplaying the situation, as this can lead to misunderstandings – especially with children.
4. Provide Information
After breaking the news, provide some basic information about your diagnosis. Explain the type of cancer, the stage, and the treatment plan. This helps your loved ones understand the situation better and reduces uncertainty. However, be mindful not to overwhelm them with too much information at once.
5. Allow for Reactions
Everyone reacts differently to news of a serious illness. Some may cry, others may ask questions, and some might need time to process the information. Be patient and give them space to express their emotions.
6. Offer Reassurance
Reassure your loved ones that you have a medical team supporting you and that you are committed to following your treatment plan. Let them know how they can support you, whether it’s accompanying you to appointments, helping with daily tasks, or simply being there to talk.
7. Be Open to Questions
Encourage your loved ones to ask questions and express their concerns. Answer as honestly as you can, but it’s also okay to admit if you don’t have all the answers. You can say, “I don’t know the answer to that right now, but I can find out.”
8. Take Care of Yourself
Remember to take care of your own emotional and physical well-being. Breaking the news to others can be draining, so make sure you have support for yourself. Lean on friends, family, or professional counselors to help you through this time.
9. Follow Up
After the initial conversation, follow up with your loved ones. Keep them updated on your condition and treatment progress. This ongoing communication helps maintain a sense of connection and support.
During my chemotherapy, there was a woman in the same unit and she’d decided not to tell a soul about her cancer diagnosis except her husband. This was entirely her prerogative: her journey, her choice. I just know that I could not have gotten through it without the support of my loved ones, so finding a way to share cancer news without causing them additional distress was important for me. I found it was a balancing act – keeping my loved ones in the loop, and being truthful without causing added worry and distress.
